THE SCENE, Hard. — Too many people think of hardcore retirement as a problem for people in their 30s and 40s. The truth is, the earlier you start planning your hardcore retirement, the better. The last thing you want is to be the 50-year-old forgetting his band’s lyrics and getting winded half way through the first song. We don’t want anything like that to happen to you, so here is The Hard Times’ “Guide to Hardcore Retirement Planning” in five stages.

 Stage 1: Ages 12-14

• Be productive; don’t just sit back and observe what’s going on around you. Make a zine, record a demo, or start some online drama.
• Start making a name for yourself in the scene. Literally, just make up a name for yourself. Something like “Pitz”, “Tik-Tack” or even “Slimey” will work fine.
• Don’t let anyone see you get dropped off at shows by Mom. Tik-Tack…